I’ve had Don Henley’s song, Heart Of The Matter, stuck in my head for several days now. My guides were singing it to me one night and I woke up thinking the verse:
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore
The verse has been following me through my days and nights. There is obviously a message in there for me but I can’t imagine who I need to forgive, or be forgiven by. It also has to do with someone I no longer have in my life. Over all I have lived a relatively solitary life. One would think that the person involved here would stand right out, but nope. Someone might ask why it would be important if its old news. This may be a valid question but until we let go entirely and forgive we are still tied to the event. Why drag around negative energy?
I do try to avoid causing anyone pain either by accident or on purpose. Although there are days that I would dearly love to purposely inflict pain, I would never act on it though. When you stop to think about it. Even the worst person on the planet is on that path as a means to learn a lesson. This doesn’t give me the right to hurt them no matter how miserable a human being they are. It’s also not worth adding the karma to my future lives.
Forgiveness to me is not an emotion, it’s an act. It is a thoughtful decision made to look beyond what someone did and choose to release the negative energy, the anger, bitterness and need for revenge. Regardless of whether the relationship survived the act inflicted upon it. The song says even if you don’t love me anymore. Forgiveness is a choice we make to put the past behind us and move on. It doesn’t matter what the act was. Whether something major or not, planned or accidental. The act of forgiving the person frees us.
Some people choose to never forgive. I don’t understand that. Why would anyone want to live in the darkness of anger and resentment? Maybe that is their lesson in this lifetime. It’s a hard lesson and a sad one.
I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve decided that forgiveness involves four steps. Each step is equally difficult and important.
The first is the decision to accept that you were hurt. Many times people choose to pretend the offense didn’t happen and go on with life as if everything is fine. That is a powder keg waiting to explode. I think in order to forgive we must be willing to look at the pain, accept that it happened and then be willing to take whatever steps necessary to move beyond it to forgiveness. Find someone to talk about it with. If you are still in a relationship with the person, have that you hurt me conversation. If not write a letter. If you don’t know where they are, write it then burn it.
The second is the decision to no longer hold onto the offense. This decision gives you permission to let it go, because you’ve decided your future is more important than the past, and you deserve to be free of the hold the offense has on you. I think this is here the act of forgiveness incorrectly turns into an emotion. People forgive but not really, they speak the words but then the next time an issue pops up that old “forgiven” hurt joins in, creating a huge mess. The letting go part shouldn’t be so difficult but I think it’s part of the next step.
The third is the decision to trust again. This is a biggie for me. There aren’t many people on the planet that I trust. When someone you love has hurt you and the I’m sorry and promises to never again have been given, you have to be willing to trust that those promises will be kept and that the relationship will heal. If you are no longer with the person, learning to trust is still important. You have to trust yourself enough to be open to someone new if you choose to go there, and trust that the person will not hurt you.
The fourth is the decision to move on. This is probably the most difficult decision of all to put into action. Letting go is not easy but it is necessary for our growth and our happiness.
I still don’t know who this song is talking about. I guess I have to ask my guides because I don’t have a clue. Perhaps is time to write and burn a letter!!
Blessed Be ❤ Sharon