The Dark Night
It’s interesting to me how silently old beliefs and thought patterns slip back into our lives. Just when we think we’ve overcome them, there they are again. We think we have grown beyond the doubt and pain inflicted on us by well-meaning friends and family. We think we have won the battle of believing ourselves so flawed that surly we have no reason to be alive.
Such is the dark night of the soul. This is where I sit right now. In my head I know that these are periods of testing that we all must endure to grow into the spiritual beings we are intended to be. And, its growth I ask the Godhead to bring upon me in order to be able to fulfill my purpose on this planet. Time is getting short and there is still much to do, right now though, the pain I feel in my heart and soul is almost unbearable. I feel bad for people who don’t understand why periods like this come around. These testing periods can be overwhelming but they are absolutely necessary. As necessary as they are, to someone who doesn’t understand, it can stop them in their tracks.
As a child I was the kid nobody wanted to play with, I was the one ridiculed and made to feel as if I was somehow unworthy. The last couple of days I’ve felt like I am standing in front of a crowd with a spot light on me. All I can do is stand there and listen to them laugh at me. When in your heart you feel unworthy and invisible, you don’t fight, you take it because you feel there is nothing within you worth fighting for. You don’t entertain the thought that dreams can come true for someone like you. So you give up and don’t even try.
It’s funny, I thought these were issues I had beaten. Ten years in an abusive relationship taught me I am strong and capable. Perhaps they never go away, maybe we just grow so strong that they no longer hurt us and these issues slink back into the darkness. They take up residence in a corner waiting for an opportunity, such as this, to attack. Boy did they attack! It’s been a heck of a storm.
Fortunately I know that I am strong, capable and powerful. I am awake and understand that the flood of things I am feeling is temporary. The dark night of the soul is meant to make you stronger and lift you higher. When this is over I will have a deeper sense of love for the people of this planet, a stronger focus on my life purpose. I will know and speak my truth more boldly. I will believe more deeply that I am worthy of everything I want for my life.
To anyone out there battling your own dark night of the soul; fight. Continue to fight until you find your way through it. Your life and your future is worth it.
Look there is a rainbow!
Blessed Be ❤ Sharon